Mentally Fighting

I feel like I am a bit better now. Maybe I have complained about a lot of pain thus far but have I not been completing the project as I said I would do in the beginning of the year.? I can tough out the pain. I know that right now because I don’t really feel much. Okay maybe my knee is hurting a tad bit but let me go out on the floor. All I want right now is to throw a kick. I don’t have to hit anything or even anyone, I can’t just throw one for fun?

My heart is craving a little exercise. It really relieved me. Stressful long days at school were all pushed put my head as I pushed a little weights: “One, two, three…” I miss the heavy things in my life. When you practice heavy things you get used to making it through heavy things, I have a belief that this makes you a strong person. So day by day by day by day I am pushing nothing, only making myself weak.

Fighting against what my body needs and what my mind want, I want rest to heal but also to punch. I’m so confused because it’s like I honestly do want both.  I already have one chosen out for me and I think that makes it a bit harder. Maybe it would have been better if I can choose what days to go to practice on days like today where I crave the workout I just go and tough it out, but on other days when I’m too tired and in too much pain I can just go to bed. I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do.

I’m just a little tired of fighting my mind, fighting the emotions and having to restrain every negative thought that comes with the pain of not being able to complete this project. All the thoughts about my physical abilities, which attacks me mentally.