Breaking Down

When I went back to school after finding out my results of my mri I just couldn't think. For the first time in my life I was walking around with a knee brace on my right knee. I went into the Hillside office to explain what I've been told then I seen Corretta. I told Corretta that I would need an emergency meeting. Me and Mariana already talked about a day and time that might be good for the meeting so I told her and we made our way to her office so we can finish talking about the situation.

While in her office I tried to explain my frustration, it didn't go too well because I couldn't do much more but cry. To forcefully be stopped from doing something that you gained deep passion for is hard. Not only because I like it but I feel like a failure that I can't complete my project. I want to complete everything that I finish in life and the love of martial arts has made me want to explore as much as possible. I made a lot of moves to make sure that everything goes as good as it can. Even to the point that I go to physical therapy every week just to make sure that I can still work on my senior project.

So I sat there in tears and just thought. Corretta made a good point. I don't want to get hurt to the point where I can't do anything at all. I can tear my tender if things get really bad and man that would be like the worse thing ever. She told me about a story how she couldn't compete in a track meet that was really big for her. It helped me to relate and realize that I'm not the only one who won't be able to reach goals in life.

As of result of the breakdown I knew it was time to think to myself. I really don't like the idea of not being able to do it. I just want things to go as planned

Emergency

After all the stress from not knowing what's been wrong with my knees I finally got an answer. Early this Tuesday morning I was diagnosed with patellar tenderosis. This means that I have inflammation in my knees, I believe it's in the part that connects to my tender. Right under my knee cap, in the front. I guess this is supposed to explain all the pain I've been feeling over the last 4-5 months.

The first doctor that came in was a lady. She said that kicking is one of the things that makes it worse. How ironic. I have been trying to make my knee feel better but yet the only thing I have been doing the whole time is making it worse. When the second doctor (a guy) came in to the room he told me that I shouldn't do martial arts for now. He recommended that I don't do any activities that involves my legs, especially because in martial arts we kick a lot. What a bummer.

Extreme conditions cause for extreme measures. So as of now I have to contact all of my members and make a senior meeting because we have to figure out what to do next. Lord knows if there is anything I experienced in life I have grown to love martial arts almost as much as football. I don't like it to the part where I want to watch is all the time but I definitely love to go to practice and put my all into. The thing that makes it worth it is the feeling afterwards. Learning more about myself and figuring out that I have new measures that I can reach within myself. Learning about myself can be more valuable than learning anything else.

Gym Videos

I didn't notice it was that time of the month again. Had to pay to renew my gym membership. And to my surprise the price went up by $5. It might not seem like anything now but to kick out an extra $5 each month is making me want to get another job.

It was something good about yesterday though. I made some more videos at the gym. I was sort of thrown off though. While we were on our way to the gym both of my knees were hurting really bad which told us that we couldn't do any leg exercises today. That was the part I was really looking forward to but as I learned from this project; plans can change really fast. Plus when we got to the gym I tried a machine that works on my legs, it didn't go too good.

The videos came out well. I got four short videos with me on machines. I felt like I was pushing myself and I had anger from my knees hurting so I was even more motivated to work harder. I seen the videos and put them on my flash drive so I should be safe for now.

MRI

Today I had my MRI early in the morning. We have high hopes that the MRI will show something that can point us in a direction on what I should be doing to get better. As of right now we have no idea on waht to do because we have no idea what the problem is.

It's so frustrating. It's not like I can just put the pain on hold but it seems as if the doctors have been doing that to me. With the MRI showing my muscles and tissue I should be able to find out if I have any sprains or tears that can be medicated through excersises, training or even surgery. I'm at the point where I don't even care about what I have to do. I just want to know what's wrong and get the problem taking cared of. It's killing me to not know how I can fix this problem.

So next Tuesday I will come back and talk to the doctor about my results. If it's bad then I will ask them what they think about me practicing martial arts. THe faith in me is telling me that they will say I can continue to go on as is. The worst case scenario for me is that they will tell me that I can't do anything. So I'm holding on to hope. I'm holding.

Finding Myself

I'm just laying on my bed letting my mind open as wide as it wants to. All my thoughts just waiting to be released. I'm trying not to become desperate for company.

One thing that is hard to admit is that this senior project has been challenging my characteristics. A man true character is shown in times of struggle. This project requires more consistency in everything you do. I claim to be consistent because I feel like I am. To be consistent in everything is very difficult. I never really had a problem keeping up with things so this is new to me. I feel lost in my mind. I'm not sure what to think right now. I really want to stop blaming things on all the work I get because I can't sit here and bitch about all the work I'm going to get in my career.

This is why I've been challenging myself. Am I really consistent? Can I come through on my part at every moment in which I'm needed? Do I have to perfect for this to be possible? Or can someone who make mistakes be as consistent as a machine that doesn't malfunction?

Through everything I know that the one thing I have to do is strive. Not only beating the streets to make it home everyday but beating my body to be emotionally able to work hard at the gym when I push weights or at the table when I move the pen. The biggest question that I have in my mind has to be: "Will this get easier?" I've seen easier, I've experienced easier but I haven't had faith in easier, only hope. Somehow I have made it to thois point, it's just that I often come think of the question, "What to do next?" Not all the time you will have someone there telling what the next thing to do is. Usually you get that answer by being smart. Not book smart but life smart. Sometimes as people you just have to know what to do next and I feel like I been coming to that question a lot lately. All I know is that I have this project to be done, but most of the time I do get lost and ask myself that question.

I guess I been doing good though because I'm alnost done with my research project and all I have to do is get the interviews done then keep going to the dojo and gym for the rest of the year. Sounds easy, feels stressful. If I had one wish I would wish for things to continue to the way they have been going so far. Even though it's been tough for me. It's been teaching me a lot and making me challenge myself. I'm starting to believe that this is the purpose of life.

Harry's Help

I just got off the phone with Harry. He kept his word on helping me find someone to interview to learn more about Kung Fu. The guy name is Mark Cassara. The style of fighting he practices is Mudong Kung Fu. Harry told me that the best time to contact him may be on Saturday around 10:30-11am. That means I have short window to comply with I have to make it within this time so that I don't miss out on this chance. My research paper is almost done but I need these interviews to be done asap.

I can't thank Harry enough right now. Getting me out of this little crisis that I had. He also told me about a kickboxing spot on St. Paul. The only thing is that he doesn't remember the name of the guy that owns the gym so it's hard to find it. While looking up kickboxing places via google I kept seeing this one place one 183 St. Paul St. I'm going to try to get a number though because once I get an interview for kickboxing I will be done with interviews, well setting them up at least.

But I kinda feel like this traditional karate guy is trying to bail on me. When I called the place earlier today then some lady picked up and gave him a message for me. She was to ask him about me still getting an interview. He told her that he don't know if he can because it was supposed to be last Saturday. But when I went they were closed last Saturday. So he told the lady to tell me that this week and next week is bad for him and that I should try to call in like two weeks. So I guess I will have to wait for that interview if I don't find anyone else in the mean time. But I will keep looking. Nobody got time for that!

Metal Talking

Things were different in practice today. Harry knows that we can actually perform the kicks that he has taught us but he must of noticed that we don't complete the whole technique in the best way that we can. So yesterday he used chairs to make sure we lift our knees up high when they go into the chamber.

He made me stand behind the chair lift my knee up and kick out. The chair was metal and my feet was bare. If at any point in time I didn't raise my foot high enough the metal would talk to my feet. The words of metal can be very convincing. So I listened to how my foot felt and with every kick the foot that I kicked with went as high as I can make it go.

One thing that I liked about his exercise is that it really works your hamstrings and legs but it also develops your kicks. It helps with technique. If I keep practicing that exercise my kicks will become much more efficient and powerful. Ohhh and my girlfriend (Amber) had came to record and take pictures today so she got some pictures with us kicking over the chairs.

I wonder how the pictures came out. The first couple times she came it was great. I hope they look nice this time also. I would love to use some of the pictures with the foot over the chair. I think one thing that will help me to do this exercise well is to stretch a bit more.

Correct Citing

I have a huge problem. I haven’t been taught how to cite in everyway possible. On Monday I turned in what I thought to be a completed research paper, but when I received my paper back with the corrections I was embarrassed to find out that I didn’t properly cite and that I had plagiarized in my paper.

Not only was I never completely taught how to make sure that I don’t plagiarized. But I turned in a paper that would’ve gotten kicked out of any college. One of the things that really bother me about this is that I should’ve known how to properly cite and rewrite correctly. I feel like I lack a skill that every high school student should have.

As this senior project expose my flaws I have the responsibility to make sure that I learn in everyway that I can. I am to grow for the better of the people around me and for myself. Learning how to properly cite will help me not get kicked out of college. I really need to get it together because I work hard when I do my work and for it to be easily shut down because it’s not legal makes me feel like I’m not good enough.

I can do nothing but make my paper so that’s what I have to do. I promised Mariana that I would have a completed research paper to her as soon as possible so that’s what’s next on my agenda

Snow Day

If I’m not upset after today then I don’t know what to call it. I was so anxious for today. I was supposed to have an interview with the guy who teaches traditional karate. The plan was for me to go to the class that’s at 9:45-10:30am then after the class I was going to interview him. But things didn’t work out as planned. This is why . . .

We had a lot of snow come through our city last night so the roads were kind of bad and it was a lot to shovel if you have a driveway. I shoveled last night and when I woke up this morning I was ready to go. Since it’s the weekend and the buses don’t run as often then my mom was going to take me. But then my sister needed the car for work and my mom wasn’t going to leave the house yet so my sister boyfriend was going to take me there. Come to find out the car wouldn’t start.

After trying to start it for 10 minutes we decided to call AAA. I had 45 minutes to get to my class and AAA wasn’t going to be at the house for another hour ad a half. So I called the martial arts place to see if I can get in contact with the guy to let him know my situation just incase I end up late. But when I called no one answered (which can be typical since they have a class in session at the time.)

So I called a taxi so that I can still make it to the class on time being that the place is only a 10-minute drive from my house. After that I made a quick call to Harry to ask him if he would be able to pick me up from the traditional karate place but he said not to worry about coming to the dojo today because he believes the numbers will be low based on how bad the weather is. Plus it would be a bit of a push to leave the traditionally karate place to go to the shoshindo dojo.

So when the taxi came I told them where to go and I found the dojo. I paid the driver $12 to go 3 miles from my house only to find out that the dojo was closed today. They must have canceled classes based on the weather. I was going to have my mom take me from the traditional karate place to shoshindo but my mom car still wasn’t working after AAA came. They said they think “her gas pipe froze”, or something like that.

The only solution is to wait until it gets warmer outside. Maybe that’s my only solution also. Just have to wait for a better day to do everything. I needed to attend the class and interview the guy for my research paper but I just can’t do it.

Physical Therapy into Project

My biggest physical problem as of now has to be the fact that my knees have been hurting me for months now. I’ve been working on my knees when I go to physical therapy for over a month and a half now but I am yet to feel any relief on my knees. Jenna asked that I go to get x-rays and even see about getting blood work done so they can see if I have arthritis as my mom and grandmother does.

The problem is that my quad muscles aren’t strong enough to support my weight. This causes for my knees to hyper extend just about all of the time, causing me this unbearable pain in which I suffer everyday. At initial thought Jenna believed that doing some exercises would fix the problem but it actually caused my knees to become more irritated.

This made Jenna concerned to the point where she had personally wrote Strong hospital a note requesting that I get x-rays ASAP. Since I have still been going to the gym Jenna has showed me some exercises that I can do at the gym to help my quads. She also showed me some other things that I can while I’m standing somewhere or even waiting for instructions during my martial arts sessions.

I have to do my best to incorporate this few things to my gym time and whenever I can during my day. If I loose my knees I will no longer be able to practice martial arts physically.

Changing Interviews

It’s said that if you need help with something then you should ask someone for help. The problem is that sometimes we don’t even know that we need help from other people. During one of the talks that I was having with Harry I told him about the guy whom I was going to interview to learn more information on Kung Fu. I expressed how the guy would act weird when I asked him about getting an interview. Initially when I asked the guy, he was all like, “No, no, I don’t want anything on the news.” I had to explain that I was only going to use the video for my senior project and even offered to only do a voice recording if it made him feel better.

The guy had agreed to try and find someone for me to interview. But if he I the master then I don’t see why I can’t interview him. Harry thinks that the guy has something to hide and he also believes that thee guy is making it too difficult for me. So Harry told me that he would help me find someone to interview so that I can learn more about Kung Fu, from a master’s perspective.

It was nice of Harry to offer this for me. He has a lot of connections to people that perform martial arts. I took him on his offer meaning that it’s now my responsibility to remind him to call the people. The least I can do is remind him.

*Community Experts*

One thing that I love about having Harry as a community expert is that he understands his role and plays it as good as possible. Don’t get me wrong, every time I see Joey he always ask how my project is going. They both do their best to make sure I’m doing what I need to do to stay on track.

Even after I stopped working at the hospital Joey would still return my text and kept his commitment to work on this project with me. That means a lot to me because now it can be harder for us to see each other and communicate but he still plays his part. I feel like I chose two very good people to be on my committee.

Harry, helping me in the dojo, making sure that I’m focused and learning about the arts in a whole. Joey helping me in the gym, making sure that I don’t become too cocky during the workouts.  Harry has done more than his share. Being available to talk on the phone and even buying me the gee. And at times it’s hard to believe that Joey will actually come pick me up from my house and drop me off home every time we go to the gym together.

I’m very thankful to have experts that put in extra work for me. It’s only right that I keep up with this project to show my experts the appreciation I have for them.

Missing AP

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it! I was in the computer lab during lunch today right? I was working on my papers for my classes and I had like 10 things to print out because I haven’t had time to go to the computer lab to print. So I had to make sure I can print out everything and hand my teachers the work that they needed from me. So that’s what I did. I printed out my interviews questions, which I would use to interview people on martial arts.

I also printed out scholarships, and schoolwork. After putting everything where it was supposed to go then I got my coat and went to the bus as I usually do. I got to School of the Arts about five minutes later than I usually do and when I saw Matt (my old Hillside advocate) the conversations went like this:

Matt: You’re late.

Me: I know, I took the 3 and it was running a bit late today.

Matt: Yeah, but you’re a little late.

Me: Matt, I just told you what happened, I was on . . .

Matt: Haha, no, you’re late, it’s Wednesday.

Only if you could’ve seen my face, I was sick. How could I forget that I need to go to AP early? I was so caught up in everything else for my senior project and school work that I completely forgot. When I told my AP teacher, Mr. Hetland about what happened he said, “I do that sometimes too, it happens.” He then offered me to stay for the next period but I couldn’t because I had physical therapy afterwards. I don’t really have time to rearrange my schedule.

I felt really bad and wasted about 20 minutes questioning myself on how I could’ve forgotten about my class starting early. This has taught me that even if I’m under pressure and have a lot to do that I can’t just be forgetting about stuff. Everything is important. AP Economics is just as important as martial arts. I don’t think I will forget about anything else after this mistake.

First Week of February

First practice in February. I can’t believe that it’s already February. I have about three months left of training before I complete my project. If I had to say anything I would say that I really enjoyed these last five months. It seems like every time I go into the dojo I learn so much more. Rather it’s learning something completely new, or learning how to properly perform one of the techniques that I’ve previously learned.

When Mat was instructing me last week he told me that I learned a lot since I started. I agree that I have learned a lot so far. But keep in mind that I am still a white belt. I have an enormous amount of stuff to learn. Yay, I’ve finally learned my first kata but it’s still more katas to learn.

I love the fact that I’m learning more every time I go into the dojo because if I felt like I was doing stuff that I already knew then I would feel like each session is a waste of time. It’s fun learning more because it makes me think. Martial arts are a lot more mental than I thought. Finding the muscles in your body that you want to work can be hard. You have to think about what your body is doing and you have to learn how to control the body parts you want. Like when we do the dragon walk while in the cat stance you have to learn to control your body so that you put 90% of your body weight on your back foot and only 10% of your weight on your front foot. You want to talk about learning your body?

Finally Fatigued

This senior project is really taking a toll on me. Man, I can’t deal; too much work. Sorry to do this but I just need to complain a little. My body is so sore all the time. My knees can’t go a day without hurting. Every time I walk up or down a set of stairs my knees feel like they are going to let me down. Earlier today I actually fell going up the stairs because my left knee gave out of me. Luckily there was a rail there. Otherwise I might have been in the hospital tonight.

I’m actually surprised that I haven’t missed a senior deadline yet because I have been close like two of them. I don’t think I will miss any this year though. I’m not the type of person to miss deadlines for important things. The next senior deadline I have set for myself is to get all three of my interviews done by the end of February break. I have the questions all printed out already so all I need to do is plan the interview then go and meet the person. In order to make these interviews possible I may have a phone interview with one of the people.

The thing that is tiring is the energy it takes to keep going with this project. Usually around this time of the year is when the seniors decide that they are tired of their project. This isn’t the case with me. I love my project but it takes a lot of mental work. I have to remember everything for myself. I feel like there aren’t teachers holding my hand, telling me, “Devren, you need to do this.” And maybe this is what I needed.  A smack of reality. This whole senior project is becoming a challenge for me. I’m finding the ability to balance though. Balance and juggle; maybe one of the best things I could’ve learned in life.

Finally Accepted

So, I got accepted into college. Yay me!!! I couldn’t have been any happier to get accepted into MCC. Even though it’s my last choice, it feels good to know that I will be going to college after this year of high school. It’s the next big step in my life. All I have to do is continue to do well in my classes and finish this senior project. I got accepted to MCC for Accounting and for Electrical Engineering (I think) so I can choose which one to major in.

But not only have I have got accepted into MCC but I also got accepted into Point Park University. Oh my God! I did a virtual tour of Point Park and man the place looks amazing. I love the fact that it’s like in the middle of the city of Pittsburgh. I believe if I was to go to school there then I would love being in the middle of a city that I’ve never been to before. An to make it better I always said that I wanted to go and visit Pittsburgh but if I can go to college there and make a home there I think I would love it.

I got accepted to Point Park University for Accounting. The tuition is $24,025 as of this year but they gave me a letter in the mail telling me that I got one of their merit scholarships for $9,000 a year. I would still have room & board to pay though.

I still have RIT as my first choice and if they accept me then I can go for free because of the RCSD scholarship. As I wait I just get more anxious though. I can see my dorm room from here. The thought of going to college to pursue the dreams I now hold of becoming an accountant or an Engineer of Technology motivates me to try harder. Ever since I got those two acceptance letters my mind set has been a bit tighter.

Thank you college for letting me know that it is possible to make it there. Thank you for letting me know that I will be there soon. I will continue to complete my senior duties so that I can make it to you.